10 Enduring Truths About Friendship:

Friendships are among the most essential and supportive types of relationships you will ever establish, because while family relationships are (typically) non-negotiable, friendship is a voluntary institution.

The voluntary nature of friendships, and our mutual commitment to the relationships are the hallmarks of any friendship’s very existence. Unless two people consider their relationship a friendship, it simply doesn’t exist.

Unfortunately, recent research indicates that most people are unable to accurately identify those who have truly earned a place in their friendship network. In fact, according to the research, only about half of the relationships that we perceive as friendships actually are friendships.

In our culture, more is always assumed to be better. But the real measure of your relationships might be found in asking yourself how many of your social media friends or followers would be willing to lend you cab fare or offer you a place to sleep if you turned up unexpectedly. That’s the kind of investment in a relationship that true friendship warrants and that true friends provide.

Is there a downside to moving through life thinking more people are our friends than actually are? It depends on expectations: If you don’t expect a lot from a friend, it probably doesn’t hurt to assume each likes you as much as you like them. Following the old adage to treat others the way you would like to be treated isn’t a bad idea.

Treating everyone like they are a good friend may make your path through life a little easier. Being kind, providing favors, and helping others can actually make you feel better about yourself and life.

Friendship can offer an enduring lifelong bond and become an unrivaled source of mutual support, both emotional and instrumental—but it is important to recognize that a friendship untended can quickly become a friendship ended.

Genuine friendships take more than a post on a network to keep them strong, although no one could argue that those are convenient places for friendships to begin. Shared interests and proximity—real or virtual—are the fastest paths to finding friends, and if that intersection of two lives begins online, it can yet develop into its own type of relationship over time.

Remember: Not every friendship is going to be a “friends forever” type of relationship; sometimes, it is about “friends of convenience” and those we need most in a situation. And if things grow less convenient, and that individual isn’t available in the way that he or she once used to be, that’s actually quite allright.

Studies show that most adults have only one or two close friends beyond their significant others.

My Childhood Memories

I can scan my remote memory way back to the day when I crawled to my mother to get rice mixed with milk. She used to tell me stories to make me eat. I still remember the day I sat with my grandmother at the age of 2yrs in the balcony noticing a crow struggling to get away from a tree. Days later my grandmother fell ill and was taken to hospital and I ran behind the wheel chair in the ramp not knowing what was happening to her. I remember the day when I sat in my father’s arm and looking at grandma’s body and asked “when will grandma wake up?’’ not knowing she has passed away. The first day I went to school my mother made me sit in the classroom and waited outside. I was so afraid and I cried and ran back to her. I remember few of my first friends in LKG.

 I remember many a thing about me and my brother fighting with each other. Once at the age of 5yrs I tried to take a honey bottle which slipped and fell down. When noticed by my father I blamed my brother and he was beaten up. Once we both went late to house after playing in school and were gifted effectively. After every annual leave I remember the exam writing pad becoming a cricket bat and ice-cream ball becoming cricket ball for me and my brother. When I go with my brother walking to school whenever we notice a new bike or car we used to say “when we become rich we will buy all those cars and bikes”. Once my father gave two rupees for us to buy chocolate. I remember asking the shop keeper to give me a five star chocolate. He told me it cost five rupees. I went back and waited for few months to get another three rupees from father. I ran to the shop as fast I could and bought a five star and I and my brother shared it.Every Sunday father gives thirty rupees to buy chicken. I and my brother were made to wait hours because the shopkeeper was busy packing bigger parcels and welcoming people coming in bikes and cars. Whenever I am free I become a driver to a cycle tyre.

 The best of all my childhood memories was when my father and mother take us outside to take dress for New Year or birthday. We used to walk together for about five kilometres to textile shop. My father sacrifices his new dress because of us taking costly dresses. We thought then our father was not interested in buying new dress for him. Then we go to hotel to have a nice non-veg dinner. Our mother convinces our father to buy us ice cream for a final finishing touch. Then we walk back home happily talking about our new dresses when my father silently does come calculations by making gestures in air. We never knew what he was doing. Well he was calculating the expenses and the savings he has to make for future expenses.

Now after so much years has passed after seeing so many people having a poor childhood period going on to develop dependence to substances, drugs and other behavioural problems I realize the importance of my childhood. A famous psychologist has once told “tell me a child’s first two years I will predict his future”. Such is the importance of our childhood. When we ask a few patients what they like in childhood they used to say “I don’t like to remember that”. I learned love and affection from my mother, discipline from my father, sharing with others from my brother and patience a very important component in life from the shopkeeper who used to make us wait for hours for a few grams of chicken….thanks to all of them…

We knew we were not rich we were not wealthy but our parents never let us suffer and we were very happy. Well I know I can’t get these childhood times back again but if god gives me a chance to choose something I will say to him to give me the first ten years of my childhood back to go back and thank my parents, my brother ,my grandma and all those involved for making me what I am today. Friends it is never too late than never to thank your parents, brothers and sisters who have made you what you are today. Let it be today….

“DAYS MAY PASS BUT MY MEMORIES WILL STAY”.

                                                                                  LET’S MAKE A DIFFERENCE – Dr.Bevinsathya.

Am i FAT.....?

Feeding and eating is the main mode of energy intake of our body. Each person has his/her own pattern of taking diet. Some are concerned about their health, some about their body shape and some about flavors and taste and so on. There are few persons who self-starve themselves to maintain their body image. It is especially very common in adolescents girls. The overall incidence is more in women than men. 

There are two important medical conditions related to eating. 1) Anorexia Nervosa  2) Bulimia Nervosa(Binge eating). 

In Anorexia Nervosa persons self starve themselves to maintain their body image. Many famous personalities like actresses and singers especially below the age of 30 have lost their lives due to anorexia nervosa. 

In Bulimia Nervosa persons go on a eating spree followed by self induced vomiting and purging to over compensate their body fat content. Beware friends it is a bad habit to have. This eating pattern can disturb your body's nutritional balance.It can lead to malnutrition, menstrual abnormalities,decreased immunity, cardiac problems,cognitive disturbances,behavioural disturbances, infertility and in severe condition lead to liver , kidney malfunction and death too. It is very important to maintain a balanced diet all through the day 24/7. 

You can calculate your BMI which is an indicator of body fat content by using a simple formula(wt/ht2). If you have doubts in your diet pattern please consult your dietician or doctor to clarify them. It is very important to stay healthy and active than a so called body image. 

"Eat healthy Stay healthy". 

LET'S MAKE A DIFFERENCE.

Dr.Bevinsathya.

World Mental Health Day 10/10

Today ( 10/10 ) is world mental health day. The theme for this year is Mental Health and Older Adults. I personally feel we have not understood the meaning of this theme .Well if we had understood it there won’t be any old age homes popping up here and there every day. 

Few days back I had a chance to visit an old age home. It had inmate occupancy of fifty people. First I slowly walked around the home seeing most old people sitting lonely and a few talking to each other. In the kitchen few old women were cutting vegetables. Then I came to the main hall. I talked to a few persons over there. The first person was a retired clerk from railway who was brought here by his own son one year back. His son resides just a few kilometers away from the old age home. I asked the person" why did your son bring you here? He cleared his throat a bit and replied am a diabetic patient . I am not able to do my day to day work. So my daughter in law forced my son to bring me here". I spoke with him for a few more minutes before moving on to the next patient. 

The next person was the senior most person of the old age home. He was an eight nine year old healthy man
whose son works as a general manager in postal department. I asked him "when did u come here?".He smiled at me. He asked me "Who are you?"I introduced myself. Then he started to speak."I am a retired teacher. My only son is in a very big post in postal dept.He is very busy so he was not able to take care of me. So he sent me here two years back with 200 rupees in my hand. I am not a pensioner. But my son sends me Rs500 every month as pocket money for my expense. I am happy here". He was very active and happy all through the interview. Then we organized a meeting for all the inmates in a hall. 

I noticed one old woman sitting lonely not involved in the meeting. I went her and started to speak to her. She stopped me and asked "wait tell me when will my son come to see me?” I asked her when he last came to see her. She cried immediately and replied back “on the day of admission 15years back. He went to Sudan with his family. He is a doctor ".I had no words to console her. I started to talk to the gathering. I asked them “are you happy here?” They all told together that they were happy. After an interactive session finally at the end I asked them a sensitive question."Okay I know you are all happy here. But if one day your son or daughter realize their mistake and come to take you back what will you do?. There was a period of silence for about five minutes. After that one old woman from the front corner stood up and told" who does not like their children? I love them above all. After my husband's death I stood alone to save my family of three female children. Now each one of them are married and well settled. But now no one wants me. I like to live and die here itself." There was an eruption of claps from all the inmates.

 Friends I noticed one common thing in all the inmates. Their children were all well settled and financially sound but they have left their parents in these old age homes which run by charity.”Are we doing justice to our self by doing so and neglecting our parents who have carried us, cried for us, prayed for us and finally sacrificed their needs for us? I was so unlucky to lose my grandparents at a very early age. I remember my parents who have sacrificed a lot for me and my brother in shaping our careers. How can I forget them? How Can I kick the ladder which helped me to go to higher heights? The day we feel the importance to care our elderly ones will be the day we become human beings. We extract all their energy when we need it but when they are tried and crumbled and need our energy we turn our backs. I think it is the duty of every one of us to repay our elderly parents with care and affection in their second childhood rather than blaming them for their shortfalls. By doing so and giving them moral support is very much necessary for them to have a normal mental life. Treat them and love them as you do with your children. Well friends think for yourself “have I ignored my parents?”And act immediately on this day because you maybe the next in line. Yes your children are watching you closely. It is never too late. Thank you.

LET’S MAKE A DIFFERENCE.

Dr. Bevinsathya.